Thursday, March 3, 2011

People I Could Do Without - (Part I)

--People who announce on Facebook events’ walls that they cannot make it because they are in a different country. Yes thank you very much, I am very well aware of the fact that there is more than one country on this planet and I even verified this piece of information by using Google Earth because you see I am incapable of performing this intricate act of buying a ticket and traveling to see another country. What I am not aware of is where you are and quite frankly I don’t care, all I wanted to know was if you were attending or not. You’re not? OK, everything that follows that qualifies as too much information or TMI as coined by Ms. Rita Sejaan, abbreviation genius among other things.

--These whiny bastards who log on to MSN and/or Facebook to declare to the world that they are “not in the mood” or they wish not to be disturbed. Well screw you! Please be sure that I’m going to do my best to disturb you so you either get in the mood or get off the freaking web and keep all that negative energy to yourself; there’s already enough of it to go around as it is.

--Guys who buy a Kia Picanto and for some reason immediately feel that they have to tune it up to cover the ensuing shrinking of their penises. Is anyone other than me fed up with them and their aluminum rims, their bodyworks and designs and this roar in the engine, god this fake roar in the engine!!! The other day I was jogging and I heard this thundering roar so I turned around expecting to see a military invasion with tanks and all just to catch a glimpse of a tiny 35 centimeter long Picanto passing me by!
Guys, buying an economic car like that is a mature decision; it is pocket friendly as well as eco friendly. So there’s no need to feel insecure about it; you know, unless you really have a tiny penis.

--These guys, these macho dudes with their gelled up spiky hair who have nothing better to do than to drive around in their old crappy BMW’s all day and all night while blasting the soothing music of Georges Wassouf. Now they are hopeless, this is the best that can come out of them; however, I cannot help but wonder why Georges Wassouf? Then I came to the realization that his lovely squealing pitch is the only thing audible above the warming bass notes that come trembling out of these wonderful subwoofers they have installed in their sorry excuse for a car.

--Political parties with their politically active members who contribute to the input of traffic jam by organizing parades and festivals that all include honking car horns, waving flags and pictures of their retarded repulsive leaders who not once have put forward a nationalistic cause supporting a unified Lebanon and believed in it.
Building a decent country doesn’t get achieved by honking to those who destroyed it.
I hope you all attain the ultimate goal you are seeking: having Lebanon all for yourselves; which means that you would have to eliminate each other one by one. Maybe this way I can have some peace.

--These political savvies who ask me if I heard what x politician said and what do I think about it and its implications bla bla bla. No I did not hear it, I never have, and I never will, deal with it! It doesn’t matter what they say, they’re gonna keep sinking this country further and further down until it is no more and quite frankly I have other things to worry about right now, I have a life thank you very much.

--These curious know-it-all wiseasses who ask me what do I think about the aliens visiting us. Hhhhh I can’t believe this crap has reached this country. OK what do I think? Here’s what I think: Why would aliens come visit us, are we that evolved as a species? And suppose we are, what makes you think they are that evolved? And even if they are, why would their mode of communication be compatible with ours? What if they already have been communicating with cockroaches for years and years? Makes you reconsider these tiny antennas they have, doesn’t it?
Besides, how considerate and thoughtful of our fellow aliens to make the effort and take a 1 billion year trip in space just to come check us out, see if we’re doing fine and when they see how wonderfully we are cooperating as a group, they turn back and take the same trip home. Hmmm interesting…

--Mike Feghaly

--People who think they know my own good better than I do. You don’t!!! Just because it works for you it doesn’t mean that it will work for me. Stop giving me advices I haven’t asked for and let me figure out this life on my own. “Believe in this god” “You shouldn’t eat this, here eat that” “Don’t do any more tattoos” “Vote for this one”. I swear, to whichever divinity I choose to believe in, next time you approach me with one of your revelations I’m sticking it up your big fat nosy ass. 



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