Monday, April 18, 2011

Creative Slaughter - The Beginning of the End

If you think that I’ve gone soft or mellowed out, well you better think again. I’ve been keeping an eye on things and I came to the realization that some people should have been exterminated by now and since nobody is doing anything about it, I thought I should take matters into my own hands. Here are a few examples:

--Guys who have their t-shirts tucked inside their pants which in turn reach their nipples and their fellas with loose long shirts, you know the ones that reach the knees.
With the first group I shall go to each one individually and pour cement on their shoes so they’ll be stuck to the ground and can’t move. Then I will grab each one’s pants with my bare hands and keep pulling upwards till their testicles come out of their ears and sperm mixed with blood floods out of their noses.
With the second group, I shall force them to duck a little so their shirts can reach the ground and staple them to it. At the same time, one of my other personalities will be out hunting for strong clubs and inserting long nails in them that come out of the other side. This task is very essential for these instruments will be used to bash their skulls.

--Proud BlackBerry owners of the following kinds:
Unemployed or still in university or school.
Holding very low and marginal jobs.
Holding office jobs that do not require them to even leave their seat.
These will be joined all together in a wonderful social networking event and forced to BBM all day and all night till the skin on their fingers decomposes and blood comes rushing out. No one is allowed to stop, they have to type with their finger bones if they had to and the ones who get tired and want to pull out will have to swallow their BlackBerries without the aid of any fluids. At that moment I will start calling them repeatedly till they develop tumors in their stomachs and die on the spot.

--Everyone who rigorously apply hair gel to their hair. In order to get rid of those, I will have to buy all the gel that exists on the planet so they would have to come to me to put it. As I slowly and smoothly grease their hair, I will swiftly feed them goat wool and then pull out a long tube and stick it in their mouths and squeeze all the gel inside. This way the wool becomes fashionably rigid and by now they can’t eat any food because their bellies are full nor can they excrete anything out. Death by bloating…ah sweet life…or death!

--Billionaires and Millionaires who keep working hard and investing in order to increase their wealth. Since these types can never seem to get enough, they will have to be lured inside a big conference hall on the pretence of presenting them with huge investment opportunities. When they’re all inside, the doors will be locked and the roof will open up so that they can be showered with trillions and trillions of money bills which they will think are extra money that will raise their market value even higher. What they don’t know is that this is their own money and it has been lightly coated with a thin invisible layer of petrol. While they’re busy rejoicing in collecting the money, a small flame will be introduced. Talk about a sparkle of hope!

Thirsty for more blood?

6 comments:

  1. hahahahahahahahaha OMG u r hilarious my friend yalla I will be your accomplice ;)

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  2. :)
    I want more... you made my day!!!!

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  3. Looooool.... agree with every single one of those!!! Will even help pour cement and hit nails :-)

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  4. Hahaha this post just crossed the line from cynic and sarcastic to plain twisted! I mean, the "creative" (for lack of other words) ways you came up with to teach those people a lesson... they made me laugh and also scared the hell out of me!

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  5. Lol man u r the perfect candidate of the twiller personality :D

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