Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Creative Slaughter - Medieval Cleansing

For those of you who are new here, I have started the slaughter last week.

As for the others, enjoy this week's list:


--Anyone who works in advertising: supermarket promoters, telemarketers, graphic designers, copywriters, directors, creative directors, sales people, you name it. They shall all be invited to participate in an advertising competition, the thing they love the most. The game is this: they will all be split into groups and all the groups have to pitch in and try to sell ideas and products to the other groups. Of course, we all know that this will get rather difficult because they are all masters of deceit and will immediately uncover each other’s techniques and approaches; however, no one can leave until contracts are signed. The groups that buy any product or idea will have huge billboards inserted up their assholes causing them to bleed incessantly. Eventually one group will be left standing, the winners, the kings, the titans of advertising. This group will win a prime time TV spot ad of them being continually raped by philosophers and idealists till they ultimately die of either too much chafing or too much pleasure. 

--Guys who wear golden man rings with precious stones on their fingers. A new brand of rings with hidden poisonous remote controlled spikes on the inside will be introduced to the market. Getting it out there and selling it will be a bit tricky because there is no one left to promote it but I will get to it. Whenever anyone wears this ring I will be notified. Then I will press a little button which will provoke the poisonous spikes to come out and stick in his fingers turning him and all his body into stiff gold. Of course the eyes will be the precious gems.

--Guys who wear closed shoes without socks. But these individuals will die one day from the smell of their own feet, so that’s done.

--Guys and girls whose sign isn’t Scorpio and have a tattoo of a scorpion. They shall all be given ferocious cats as presents. For those of you who have seen a cat kill a scorpion, you get the picture. For those of you who haven’t; well, let’s just say that there will be claws, a lot of scratching, and barrels of blood.

--Girls with very thin eyebrows, and guys too. Since these people hate hair that much, why not shave their whole heads and bodies? Then they will be obliged to sit naked in the sun for endless hours till they get skin cancer or become lepers. If that didn’t work, I shall put them in a space shuttle and send them directly to the sun. By doing this, uncertainty will be out of the way.

--Guys with very thin sideburns. This one is easy. All I have to do is grab a thin razorblade, follow the sideburn line, cut the face accordingly, and feed it to them. I don’t care if some of them survive, they’re better looking now.

3 comments:

  1. "Guys who wear closed shoes without socks. But these individuals will die one day from the smell of their own feet, so that’s done." LOL!!!

    et ca continue encore et encore... it keeps on getting better and better... :D
    i still want more!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. They're at 8 now? I'm working on my own series... >:D

    ReplyDelete

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