Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Creative Slaughter - The Fat Lady Has Sung

If you don't know by now, murder is a hobby of mine.

Now it might seem that I'm going around killing people randomly, but there is a detailed plan; my aim is to rid the world of all evil.

To my regular readers who have gone blood thirsty over the past couple of weeks, check below:

--People who stick their noses in other people’s business and keep asking stupid questions like “who’s this?” “who’s that?” “what are you up to these days?” “why are you so thin?” “why are you so fat?” bla bla bla…
This kind of parasite deserves a special treatment. I shall hang them upside down by tying their legs with a rope attached to the ceiling. This way the blood will rush to their heads. Then I will remove their fingernails and stick them in their eyes, ears and noses so that the blood doesn’t get out. You know, like shutters. Once the face starts swelling and turning blue and mauve I then shall proceed to asking them: “what’s happening to you?” “are you feeling well?” “why is your face blue?” “this isn’t good, is it?” etc.

--Silicone-filled ladies with nose jobs. How to kill these delightful dolls? At first I thought maybe I should keep injecting them with silicone till they explode and their organs spatter all over the place, but then I said no that would be too obvious, too conventional. These princesses deserve a slow painful death. I shall make an incision around every silicone-enhanced organ and remove the implant without sealing the wound. As their faces and bodies start to get covered with blood, I shall be a gentleman and wipe it off with the implants to give room for more blood. When the wounds start to heal I shall cut them open slowly again by separating the flesh with my finger. I will do this over and over again till the heart stops beating. This will all take place of course in front of dozens of mirrors where they can see their fake beauty fading away from every angle.

--Self-proclaimed Lebanese comedians who think they are funny by receiving pity laughs due to the fact that there is no one else on stage or real, from the heart laughs from the idiots who don’t know any better. I will take my time and sit with each and every one of these dull, lame, boring dumbasses and tell them what I really think of them and their stolen material. Hopefully they will commit suicide afterwards. If not, I shall tie them to a chair and make them watch videos of them performing live, after of course ripping off their ears with my bare hands so they can’t hear the thing they love to hear the most: themselves talking. Then I shall remove their tongues with sandstone, place them, along with their ears, in a jar filled with water, vinegar, and salt (yep you guessed it we’re gonna pickle them) and after a few months shove them down their respective throats.

--The persons who stress and worry too much about their careers and what they’re going to do with their lives. Now, I admit, in order to kill this specific group, a lot of innocent casualties will be involved, but how are a few million more dead people going to matter?
With those, I will kill everyone and everything that they hold dear; mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, lovers, fiancés, wives, husbands, sons, daughters, grandmas, grandpas, uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews, cats, dogs, plants, BFF necklaces, anything it takes to make them really understand what matters most in life and that life is fragile, they are mortals, and nothing ever lasts.
By this time, the weaker ones will have committed suicide and if not I will throw them off a bridge; the stronger ones will realize what I mean, get my point and try to gather themselves up and keep moving forward. WRONG! For I shall be waiting with my tank that will roll over them time and time again reducing them into nothing more than a smelly sheet of human paper.

--Everyone who posts a smartass comment. Personalized killing methods available… 

5 comments:

  1. Nice stuff. But just to let you know, there are newer and safer (?) fillers now including saline solutions.

    Suggestion: It would be nice if you wrote more about your life, who you are, what you like, what you do, what you aspire for and so forth. Let us get to know other sides of you. We have already established that you have a twisted evil mind :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love this series of posts... fachett khele2!

    How about the bloggers who comment on other blogs, mainly saying how much they love the work. When they're not really meaning it maybe? Just to draw attention to their blogs...
    hmmm...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Getting nose jobs are quite common nowadays, I know a lot of friends who have undergone the surgery.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great post and right to the point. I am not sure if this is in fact the best place to ask but do you guys have any idea where to get some professional writers? Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  5. It is useful blog for everyone and i have got many new ideas and information with this blog.Thanks for sharing wonderful information.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...