Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Expressions That Should Be Out - Part II

Not that they're directly related, but if you missed the first part, you can check it out here. 

As for the others, here are the additions to the list: 

Complete idiot: Oh yeah? As opposed to what, an incomplete idiot? A half-idiot? How does that work exactly? You tilt your head to the right, you're an idiot, you tilt it to the left you're a Nobel Prize Winner?

Most original: This crap has been brought to this world by the gems of the breathtaking advertising world. “The most original people deserve the most original product.” They never run out of bullshit, do they? I keep thinking someday they will, but they don’t; and mainly because people love to be bullshitted. I don't care if you think that the meaning of the word has changed, I was not invited to any meetings nor have I approved any amendments. Original means origin which in turn means the first of its kind in existence. It’s superlative by nature and adding a superlative modifier to it creates a redundancy. How can you be more than the first? Do you know what comes before number one? Nothing! You’re Zero!

Oh My God: Or its acronym OMG which has been added to the English dictionary lately. For starters, if God exists, chances are he is not yours; you are his because he created you. I say he because it has been historically proven that God is a man and if the bible is not accurate historic evidence then I don’t know what is. Secondly, quit your whining and bitching and stop calling out his name whenever something happens. If he immigrated to another solar system, he did it for a reason; that reason is YOU!

Putting out: This expression is used for a girl who is sexually active and usually “easy” (an easy girl has the sex drive of a guy so the next time you meet a guy you can call him an “easy girl”). They say she puts out and they get usually excited about it. But I don’t know what’s all the excitement about, shouldn’t she be putting in? A penis goes in the vagina or whichever orifice of preference. That’s what they taught me in sexual education class (porn). So the idea of a girl putting a penis out of her vagina repels me…unless I’m not wearing a condom and she puts it out just in time to prevent a catastrophe.

Convenience store: I have been to hundreds of these stores in my life and I am yet to find one single convenience. No one has ever sold me convenience. Do you know how that makes me feel? Very inconvenienced! So if anything, they should really be called inconvenience stores.

Deceased: When a person dies, they say he/she deceased. Why? To cease means to stop so to decease means to stop stopping. And if there is one thing I know it’s that when one dies, one stops continuing. So deceased should really mean born. “Hey Marge, congratulations on your newly-deceased baby!” 




2 comments:

  1. very comic cuz, loved it... keep it going... or coming (whatever expression suits u better)

    I guess deceased is because some reborn according to their religion!

    ReplyDelete
  2. How about the word "literally"? (I'm guilty of this one too).
    -I literally died laughing! (really? then why are you still talking to me?)
    -I literally stayed up all night (really? as opposed to ... figuratively stay up all night?)
    -I was so scared I literally pissed my pants (oooh i'm not even going to...)

    ReplyDelete

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