Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Tips For Making The World A Better Place - Part Uno

--Instead of focusing on the differences between you and other people, focus on the similarities; killing similar people can be fun too!

--In order to end obesity, stop making XL-sized clothes. I admit, this is going to be a long procedure, your eyes might have to suffer (more) throughout it, and there is the slight chance that they, by they I mean the fatsos, might actually like the freedom it brings and let themselves go even more. But no worries, come first snow, lock all these free spirits out; that should take care of the problem for you…

--Don’t just ban abortion; ban masturbation and menstrual cycles altogether. There should be no child, or the potential of one, flushed down the toilet!

--God lives in heaven, Jesus does too; all the paintings clearly suggest it so save yourselves the trouble and stop looking elsewhere.
As for Muslims, you really should think about letting someone paint your prophet’s portrait (I won’t mention his name because I have a problem with the “pbuh” thingy and I know how anal you can get about it); this way you can know where he lives too!

--Whenever you see someone walking on the road or too close to it, go out of your way in order to run them over. If they don’t die the first time, you can always put your gear on Reverse and go finish the job, but I know most of you do not have the time for this.

--In order to reduce the overall global ugliness, have the men wear the burkas instead of the women; except for really ugly women, like the ones who can be mistaken for men.

--When you park in those parking lots where you push a button at the entrance and a ticket comes out and then you have to pay at the end and insert the ticket in the machine so you can exit, don’t leave that ticket in the car, but keep it with you. This way your car won’t be stolen because, let’s face it, that car is not exiting that parking without that ticket...

Feeling too philanthropic? Continue reading the second bit

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