Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A Typical Lebanese

--Is one who lives for buying things he/she cannot afford just so you could see what he/she owns and if you can’t see it make sure you are going to hear about it in every occasion you happen to be around our subject.

--Is one who has recently become incapable of doing any activity without documenting it on Facebook. In fact, some activities owe their birth to Facebook. Picture this, call it scenario if you like: “What?!! I didn’t post any new pictures this week?!! I must get the group together immediately and take me some photos. Wooo”!!

--Is one who says one thing and does another. It depends on the fact if someone is looking and on who that someone is. You know, your typical hypocrite…

--Is one who has somehow lost the ability to park his/her car by himself/herself when he/she is going out to partake in a social event, the thing we seem to have too many of.

--Is one who has no respect whatsoever to traffic laws, traffic signs, and traffic lights. Be it No Parking, One Way Street, Red Light, Yellow Light, Green Light, it’s all the same. In fact the only light he/she seems to like is the flashing yellow one because it says “hey do what you want but be careful now…”

--Is one who can simply do it better than you. No matter what it is.

--Is one who has an opinion regarding every issue. Internal or worldwide, political, economical, social, or even esoteric, make sure you will hear an opinion and an elaborate explanation on the many possible ways of approaching a solution. What you can also be sure of is that our typical Lebanese will do nothing about it because “hey it’s not my problem”.

--Is one who demands change but does nothing about it. In fact, when that change occurs, he/she will resist it.

--Is one who is extremely proud to be Lebanese; however, gets offended and completely denies it when you call him/her a typical Lebanese.

--Is one who considers his/her ancestors to be the Phoenicians, the greatest merchants in the history of humanity; however, is also part of the Arabic society and respects, but criticizes at the same time its conservative culture and norms!!! You know, it all depends on where he/she is standing and whom he/she is trying to impress…

--Is one who absolutely must have correlated religious and political affiliations or he/she will be condemned to having a mind of his/her own. Plus if he/she didn’t, his/hers tiny head will get too confused in the process of separating the two.

--Is one who thinks that Lebanon is the greatest place in the universe even though he/she has never stepped outside of it and who thinks that the Lebanese people are the smartest people on earth and he/she is the smartest of all the Lebanese. This all of course stems from a huge inferiority complex caused by living in a country so small it can cause you an inferiority complex.

--Is one who can never admit to making a mistake because he/she is perfect; God made him/her this way. Of course that was just after He planted the Cedars with His own Almighty Hands.

--Is one who loves life and appreciates it like no one else on this planet. Well he/she does face a tough competition from the South Americans and Africans but hey who cares about them they live way down below and they’re poor. They don’t even wear clothes for Christ’s sake and we all know that you love life with your clothes on, preferably designer clothes.

--Is one who will instantly deny that this list is about him/her.



Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Trivial Facts

1- Everybody knows somebody who owns a printer.

2- In every scene in every movie you have seen, a camera was involved.

3- You cannot wear pants without lifting two feet off the ground.

4- Lying down is really nothing more than standing up horizontally.

5- Everyday is someone’s birthday.

6- Running is really nothing more than alternating small leaps between your legs.

7- If you have never spoken to strangers just like your parents wanted, you would have never had any friends.

8- God is an atheist.

9- In Bulgaria, Bulgarian cheese is simply called “cheese”.

10- Right in this moment, somewhere in the world, the hour is approaching midnight.

11- A company can refuse an employee’s resignation, but an employee cannot refuse a company’s firing decision.

12- When it comes to tomorrow, today is yesterday.

13- You cannot maintain the state of being free from desire without having the desire to do so.

14- By the time you got to this point, several children have been raped all over the world. And right now, as you sit here comfortably contemplating this thought, another one is being raped...anally!

15- A work of fiction that outlives the civilization that brought it to life becomes documented fact to other civilizations.

16- The dead will always outnumber the living.


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