Monday, July 25, 2011

It Always Is...

I’m sure that all people, except for those that are the subject of this study and those too ignorant to care, have at some point sought to find the answer to one or two or all of the following questions: 

--Why were black men enslaved by the whites and treated (still are) so badly and why are Asians such hard workers? 

--Why did man invent bullets and missiles that enable him to declare war and invade other countries and what was the reason behind their design in such way? 

--Why did man work so hard to penetrate and dominate space with rocket ships?

--Why did man choose the method of drilling Mother Earth and ravaging it to get it to spray oil all over?

--Why did man domesticate, tame, and hasten the extinction of the most virile animals? 

--Why did man invent and buy fast and expensive sports cars, loud motorcycles, and huge trucks?

--Why do countries participate in the everlasting competition of erecting the highest tower ever?

--Why are most men loud, obnoxious, and pissed off all of the time and why is it, when they are in night clubs and discos they flaunt and compete in opening the highest number of expensive champagne bottles? 


The answer to all these questions and many more regarding the erratic behavior of this gender is one. In fact it is one word: 

Size...

Men are insecure about the size of their penises and they cannot stop thinking about it night and day so they seek to divert the attention away from the actual organ and try to symbolize the enormity of its size with whatever they can lay their hands on. Have you ever seen or heard white rappers and white blues musicians? I mean, JEEZ!!! 

But you know, I blame the women… They have known and abused this tiny piece of information since the dawn of time. They have used it to manipulate men and it has reached a point where it got out of their hands… Most women have become dissatisfied most of the time and gone seeking pleasure in the materialistic world.

So ladies, I come to you with a favor to ask.

Can you please lower your standards…again? I implore you to take a moment to think about the fate of this planet. I know that in some rare cases, size does matter, but can you please not mention it? Take care of your men; pencil dicks get offended very easily… And, if you really care about world peace as much as you claim you do in beauty pageants, do not ever; under any circumstance ask that 6-letter question that could ruin a man forever: 

Is it in?



 

Friday, July 15, 2011

Sporadic Shorts

--If you need to show that you’re independent then you really aren’t.

--Cab drivers are the enemies of walking.

--An ambulance risks the lives of hundreds to save one.

--Environmentalists die everyday.

--If an angry woman enters a room full of loud and noisy men, they will immediately go quiet and possibly leave with their tails between their legs.

--If an angry man enters a room full of loud and noisy women, they will immediately start laughing their asses off and possibly eat him up alive if he maintains that attitude.

--Humans, and most probably ants, are the only species that suffer from traffic jams.

--You can never forget to sleep.

--If you keep bragging about how extremely unique you are then squeal from joy when you meet someone who shares a similar interest then you really aren’t that unique. 

--Atheists and firm believers are equally absurd. They both are sure of something no one alive can ever be sure of.

--Every scientific article about the conclusion of any study or discovery has the words “might” or “may” or “maybe”. These people are getting paid to add to the general confusion. 

--Once a brother, always a brother. 

--A surgeon is really nothing more than an overpaid plumber.

--Vegetarians originally wanted to come to this world as sheep, but life screwed them over.



Monday, July 4, 2011

Questions That Keep Me From Sleeping

--If I say to a hermaphrodite “Go screw yourself”, is it considered an insult?

--If I was having a conversation with a blind person and that person understood my point of view, can he/she say “I see”? And if he/she can and did, would that be considered a lie? 

--If I equally rejected and did not believe in neither God nor the Devil, which of them would claim my soul if that thing existed? Would it still exist? Would I have found the secret to eternal earthly existence?  

--If, instead of being crucified, Jesus was decapitated and had his body cut to pieces and each piece was burnt separately, what would the sign of Christianity be? Would the faithful chop off their heads and throw out bursting limbs each time they pray? Would they wear “decapitixes” around their necks? 

--If the thought of an impure act is still counted as a sin, would the thought of a pure one be counted as an act of kindness?

--If I made a cutting joke (or a thousand) about Islam, how long would it take for me to get killed? 

--If someone was allergic to allergy medication, what would be the cure? 

--If you had a baby born in a soundproof room that has nothing but a piano in it and left that baby there to grow up all alone (food of course will be provided but with no human contact nor noise whatsoever) will that baby become a musician?







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