Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Tips For Making The World A Better Place - Part Dos


--Take care of your health; it’s the most important thing you can have. It is very important that you die healthy. Keeps those know-it-all scientists baffled.

--In order to lead a healthier life, it is very crucial that you discharge at least 2 liters of pee per day; preferably through the designated orifice…

--Instead of spending millions on training astronauts and millions on managing prisons, send the prisoners to space. Give them 2 options: either they consent and do us all some good or they die there because you are going to shoot them upwards in any case.
But what do we do with the empty prisons you ask? Easy, lock the homeless people which now include ex-astronauts there and just leave them unattended because frankly you did not really care about them before and why should you start now? At least they have a roof over their heads now and your streets are cleaner.

--In order to reduce grief and suffering, when you murder someone, murder all their loved ones as well. If your conscience tortures you, you can always put a bullet in your forehead…

--If you got crabs, cook and eat them; just don’t give them to anyone!

--Men, never ever under any circumstance wear pants with a zipper and go commando. This also applies to women with oversized clitorises…

--Instead of fighting to end sexual harassment, educate people to sexually harass in moderation; this keeps everybody happy…

--Don’t hate the gays; love the gays. By cancelling each other out, they’re doing you more good than you can imagine. Too vague? Allow me to explain: if you have 3 men and 3 women and 2 of these men are gay this leaves the remaining man with 3 women. It's like gays do not even exist! Less competition!!
And if the idea of gay sex still repulses you, just don’t imagine a smooth-chested guy down on all four while another hairy guy lubes his asshole and inserts his fully erect penis inside him. And do not by any means imagine them spooning afterwards…
As for lesbians, well, who am I kidding, everybody loves a lesbian...or two!




You've done all this and feel that you could give more? Well here are more ways!  



Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Tips For Making The World A Better Place - Part Uno


--Instead of focusing on the differences between you and other people, focus on the similarities; killing similar people can be fun too!

--In order to end obesity, stop making XL-sized clothes. I admit, this is going to be a long procedure, your eyes might have to suffer (more) throughout it, and there is the slight chance that they, by they I mean the fatsos, might actually like the freedom it brings and let themselves go even more. But no worries, come first snow, lock all these free spirits out; that should take care of the problem for you…

--Don’t just ban abortion; ban masturbation and menstrual cycles altogether. There should be no child, or the potential of one, flushed down the toilet!

--God lives in heaven, Jesus does too; all the paintings clearly suggest it so save yourselves the trouble and stop looking elsewhere.
As for Muslims, you really should think about letting someone paint your prophet’s portrait (I won’t mention his name because I have a problem with the “pbuh” thingy and I know how anal you can get about it); this way you can know where he lives too!

--Whenever you see someone walking on the road or too close to it, go out of your way in order to run them over. If they don’t die the first time, you can always put your gear on Reverse and go finish the job, but I know most of you do not have the time for this.

--In order to reduce the overall global ugliness, have the men wear the burkas instead of the women; except for really ugly women, like the ones who can be mistaken for men.

--When you park in those parking lots where you push a button at the entrance and a ticket comes out and then you have to pay at the end and insert the ticket in the machine so you can exit, don’t leave that ticket in the car, but keep it with you. This way your car won’t be stolen because, let’s face it, that car is not exiting that parking without that ticket...




Feeling too philanthropic? Continue reading the second bit





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