Monday, April 8, 2013

God Just Got Her Period

Contrary to popular belief and to what everyone has been telling you all your life, God is not a man; God is a woman. Here’s the proof:

--She’s moody, extremely moody! In one book she’s vengeful, in another she’s loving, in another she’s judgmental, in another she’s fearful etcetera etcetera etcetera

--She’s always watching you and judges everything you do

--She is always right

--She never forgets anything you do

--She’s jealous, she never lets you worship other gods but her and almost all of her decision-making staff are men who wear dresses and discriminate against women

--She’s subtle and mysterious; millions of books have been written about her trying to interpret her words and still no one understands what she’s all about, not even women!

--She’s insecure and keeps testing your love for her by coming up with illogical rules like “you can’t eat apples” for example

--She wants the weekend all to herself

--She wants to know what you’re thinking all the time

--She always needs money

--She always needs praise

--And finally, she never has anything to wear! 

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