It’s been a while since I’ve made a good rant, or a thousand, so here’s a list of people that piss the hell out of me and whose disappearance from the face of the Earth could give me a good moment of peace before I eventually run into others who are going to be equally or more irritating:
--Guys that hit on their waitress in restaurants. These idiots think that because she smiled the waitress is into them so they start making these stupid lame jokes whenever she’s around and she of course laughs because well, she can’t slap them because, one: she might get no tips and two: they might like it and show her a tip she never wanted to see!
--Strangers (and let’s face it some friends) that feel offended when they come up to me with a question and I don’t answer. Well I was sitting here quietly minding my own business and you came and interfered with the sacredness of that so you should thank your lucky stars I didn’t knock you to the ground and kicked you in the mouth you annoying asshole!
--Guys riding bikes behind other guys and are homophobic to the point that they prefer to fall off to instant death and not touch the guys in front. You'd see them trying to clutch to whatever they can hold on to except the driver's waiste. Hey dumbass, you’re already caressing his butthole with your penis so put a little love in it and wrap your arms around him!
--People who try to assign a meaning to every little detail in a piece of art, “oh did you notice how *drags on his cigarette* this straight horizontal line represents the artist’s lifelong struggle with *drags on his cigarette* illegal substance consumption and…” no, but I noticed that if this line wasn’t there the two men would have nothing to stand on and will eventually fall out of the painting so shut your yapping trap before I make you swallow your cigarette horizontally!
--People who have a story for everything. You all know them and most of you are them. You’d be telling them something in the form of a small sentence like “It’s sunny today I hope it stays like this all day” and it’s enough for them to hear just one word to make them start rambling about some irrelevant story: “Oh no, one should never lose hope, my dad always told me that, he used to always take me on long walks with him and he would tell me all these little…” SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BABBLING ASSWIPE! I HOPE THERE IS A GOD SO THAT SATAN WOULD EXIST AND WHEN YOU DIE HE’D HAVE DIBS ON YOUR SOUL AND WILL BURN YOU IN AN EVERLASTING FIRE FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!