Sunday, February 1, 2015

13 Signs of You Quite Possibly Being a Hipster

Do you ever find yourself looking at your mirror not knowing who that person staring back at you is? In this modern world that’s controlled by mainstream media and dominated by corporations, news, as useless as it might be, is being relayed at an unprecedented rate and information is updated ever so quickly.

Between your Facebook friend’s ugly newborn’s one thousand pictures, your Twitter follower’s mitten-wearing cat, and your Instagram I don’t know what you call it’s plate of red beans, it is absolutely normal for you to have a panic attack. I mean, what trend must you follow?!

But do not be afraid! Little Stain is here to guide you! Below is a list of 13 signs of you quite possibly being a hipster:

--You don’t identify yourself as being a hipster; in fact you think hipsters are too mainstream

--You say things like “Is this Gummy Bear organic?” and “I’d rather have someone buy me a book instead of a drink” then sip your wine

--You have a self-diagnosed allergy to Gluten that you don’t fail to mention every time you get the chance in a conversation and if you don’t get the chance to do so you grab your organic iPhone and tweet about how you’re surrounded by ignorant Gluten-consuming brainwashed earthlings that can’t tell the difference between Quinoa and Couscous

--You never go shopping for clothes in shopping malls and all your sweaters were knitted by your grandmother

--You don’t eat Nutella, you eat Fair Trade Guatemalan cocoa spread

--You’re no longer content with wearing vintage, but brand eyeglasses, you now walk around with a windshield on your face

--You don’t use an alarm clock to wake up in the morning; you keep a rooster in your bedroom

--You don’t think it’s good music if it’s not classical Baroque digitally mastered by a local bathtub farmer who of course you knew before he became a band  

--You only eat vegetables that weren't tested on animals

--You’re not into blockbusters; you only go to alternative “movie-screening houses” to watch foreign movies directed by people whose last names are composed of at least 7 consonants in a row that only you and your friends can pronounce because you’ve spent the last 8 weeks in front of your mirrors practicing it

--You never use brand deodorant, but instead you roll around naked every morning in the flowers you planted in your window sill garden

--You’re no longer growing a beard; the beard is now growing you

--You never use a digital camera to share the ephemeral; you take pictures with your analog LOMO - a redundancy I know – then you develop these pictures in your dark room, then scan them, and upload them to Instagram. Hashtag No Filter of course!

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